One of the most important things about your personal development is gaining confidence. Simply put, any success in your life is about a confidence of some kind.
It's all about confidence
In the simplest scenario, when you have a certain task to complete and that's all what's required of you, it comes down to the fact that without some confidence you won't be able to do anything. You have to be sure of your solution before you go and apply it to your task. Yes, it requires a certain level of knowledge, but you really need to have confidence to back it up.
Take any kind of exam as an example. Doesn't matter, which one it is, it could be an exam you sat back during your school years, or it could be one of your horrible memories of being a student at some university, or finally it could be an exam you had to sit just the other week to improve your career prospects.
The bottom line is that all exams are the same. They're here to make sure you've got the knowledge you claim to have. And if you were actually attenting the necessary courses during your study, you're more than likely to have all the knowledge you need.
Still, most of us find it very uneasy to sit an exam, no matter how well prepared we are. And almost always there's a lucky few students in your class which seemed to glide through all the exam challenges with no noticeable worries at all.
Why do you think such people exist at all? Do you really believe it's sheer luck they have? Of course it's not it! It's all about confidence! Without being confident, even most knowledgeable students will easily fail even the simplest exam.
Now, why exactly do we feel uncomfortable with exams? This is because they are perfect examples of some authority questioning our expertise in a certain area. And no matter how good we are, there's always a few questions full of doubt we always ask ourselves sitting any exam.
Doubtful and negative questions
Examples of such doubtful questions would be:
- Am I really good enough to pass?
- So many people failed this test. Can I really do it?
- I obviously haven't done enough preparations. What do I do now?
- What will my friends say if I fail?
- What do I do if I don't get a promotion because of this failed test?
And there's also a whole bunch of questions you would ask about a specific problem you're looking at on your test sheet.
They would be something of this kind:
- Why can't I solve this problem?
- Stupid me! How come I can't find the right solution to this? Any solution, for that matter?
- Another question I have no answer for. Don't I know anything on this subject?
Depending on your personality, you could be asking slightly different questions, but most of them would be of the kind I've shown – you're being negative to yourself, and sometimes you can also be very harsh with your self-inflicted criticism.
Be positive and constructive
Without your criticism being anything constructive, you can't help yourself solve any problems and answer any questions. Being negative about your (quite possible) lack of knowledge of the exam subject isn't helping either. So usually you just get more and more nervous about your exam, until you run out of time and go home being absolutely sure you have failed.
Had anything like this ever happened to you? Well here's why.
It is true that you have to ask questions to yourself when you're building logical chains trying to solve a given problem. But what most of us naturally neglect is the fact that even questions could have negative impact on our performance. It's as if by even asking a question, you're automatically reassuring yourself that you really don't know the answer. So you keep asking questions to make some progress on your solution, but because most or all of the questions are asked negatively, they're subconsciously taking you further and further away from a possible correct solution.
This is my message for you today: be positive when you approach any task, and make sure even questions you ask yourself are positive.
Asking positive questions
Using the examples I've given earlier, here are just a few examples of positive questions. If you analyze each one of them, you'll see that most of the questions leave no room for your lack of knowledge. All the questions assume that you know the right answer, and only point you slowly to this correct answer.
So, general questions asked positively:
- Is this exam really as hard to pass as they say? I'm sure I can easily pass.
- So many people failed this test. How could they, it can't be so hard to pass?
- Where do I start? Quickly scanning through all the questions to spot the obviously easy ones sounds like a plan.
- What will my friends say when I pass? What will I say to support the ones who failed?
- It's just a quick exam. Honestly, is there an easier way to earn a promotion?
And, similarly, some positive questions about specific task you're looking at:
- How can I solve this problem the easiest way?
- No solution comes to mind. Is there something wrong with the question? A typo, maybe?
- What do I know about this question? Even if there's no solution yet, every little helps.
So, positive questioning is here to help you boost your confidence level, and do it the quick, easy and natural way. Asking positive questions means assuming you're good enough to find the answer, and this way of asking yourself is a sure way to approach the right solution.
Of course, positive questions alone can't save you if you don't know anything about the subject, but they will make sure you never lose any of your confidence because of negative questions.
Asking yourself positive questions and generally taking a positive approach to any task will take most of possible pressure and nervousness off your shoulders, leaving your mind clear and sharp, ready to solve even the hardest problems.
Update: Incredible! Just one day later after I posted this article, I see Steve Pavlina has written a very good article on weak vs strong questions. Please read it here: Asking the Right Questions
[tags]positive thinking, positive questions, confidence, self-growth[/tags]
[tags]positive thinking, positive questions, confidence, self-growth[/tags]
I think the difference between empowering questions and disempowering questions is simply the focus.
An empowering question focuses on the solution. A disempowering question focuses on the problem.
Now, in order to make an empowering question we first must recognize the problem by asking what may seem to be a disempowering question. The key difference is that if we only focus on the problem long enough in order to understand how to solve it, we get empowered results.
I think this is basically the key to the positive thinking VS negative thinking debate. We need positive thinking (empowering questions) so that we get solutions not problems. However, in order to get a solution we must recognize that there is a problem in the first place.
I think the key difference is that most people spend far too much time on the problem and not enough on the solution.
Great Post!
I totally agree, Scott!
It’s just a matter of focusing on the right thing while approaching the problem. I think I’m naturally a positive thinker, so I’m yet to learn if there’s any benefit in negative thinking for me, but I’ll be sure to post more on this subject in the months to come.
Thanks for the comment!