Personal Development

Get Organized. Stay Motivated. Enjoy Life.

Gleb Reys

How To Stay Motivated

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What keeps you motivated

Today I want to talk a little bit about getting things done.

Be it a big project you’re working on, or just a number of your daily routine tasks, getting things done is not only about managing your time and resources, but also about maintaining your interest and motivation levels as you go through the list of tasks.

What keeps you motivated when you have a list of small and possibly very annoying tasks to be completed by a certain time and date?

There are projects where you can clearly see the outcome – it could be a generous reward, or a couple of extra days off, or just an admiration of someone whose opinion is very important and valuable to you.

But quite often it’s nothing like this. You look at the number of things you need to have done, and it seems that you’re not going to get anything positive out of them. At the same time, you’re pretty clear about the amount of grief and frustration you can very easily get for failing to complete some of the tasks on your list. It doesn’t have to be so black and white in reality, but usually it’s bad enough for your motivation knowing that there’s not going to be anything majorly positive happening to you when you complete the tasks. You lose most of your interest, because you’ve looked at the list and you’ve set your expectations. And no, it doesn’t look all this optimistic at all.

I’m lucky enough not to have too many days like this, but I sure can recall a one or two – on these days all you can do is to brace yourself and do your best. And this is where everything counts – even little things will be making a huge difference to you.

Every little helps

I have a principle for such unfortunate days and for generally any long lists of things to be done. And this principle is the title of this entry: every little helps. This means, that my nature is such that I have to stay motivated and interested in what I’m doing, otherwise I wouldn’t probably make it till the end of the list.

The most important thing to remember is that success is a success. It is only one of our psychological features that we treat all events occurring to us differently. For instance, we feel failures or negative events much harder than we enjoy our success and something positive. It’s very common that after a very long hard day’s work you feel very proud of yourself having completed few major important tasks – requests from your customers or a sophisticated set of reports for your manager, or maybe you’ve got a big project finally completed.

You have this feeling of being on top of the world, because that’s another successfully done thing you’ve just added to your humble list of personal victories. But then an email arrives with some bad news, or an annoying colleague from the remote office calls in and complains about something – and no matter how small the negative issue really is, it easily shadows the success of the long and very positive day you’ve just been enjoying few minutes ago. Why does it happen this way? That’s just how our perception works.

So what I’ve learned is to even the perceptions out first, and then slowly started learning to emphasize the successfull and positive events so that they would feel much stronger and therefore have a bigger impact on my productivity.

It comes now to the point that I have to do only few prioritizations on my tasks list before I start working through it, confident and ready for whatever might happen as I go through the list.

First things first – this means, if there are any urgent or really important tasks, they have to be looked at first. But if there is no urgency (and believe me, there’s always a way of prioritizing things, even if they all seem to be terribly important and absolutely urgent), or at least if there’s a list of importance priorities, it’s time to go through your list once more to make sure you even its emotional and motivational support for you.

What I mean by this is that when you go through your tasks list for the first time, you normally analyse quickly every task and decide for yourself, how important it is for you to get each task completed by a certain time. And when there’s a timeline involved, there comes the estimation of every task – you usually would have a rough idea whether a particular task is going to take 5 minutes of your time or a whole hour.

And what I do, I spot the relatively quick and easy tasks, which seem trivial compared to other serious and important and time-consuming ones, and place them strategically between other tasks. These quick and easy tasks are my chance to boost my confidence and motivation between the really complicated things. These are my guaranteed sources of positiveness throughout the list of tasks. No matter how miserably I may fail on bigger tasks, no matter how I may just be delayed with them and therefore be frustrated, I know for sure that now and then I’ll get a quick and easy opportunity to feel better about myself, by completing them easy tasks.

Why do I do this? Because unless I feel good about myself, unless I see myself making positive progress in anything, my motivation won’t stay high. And when my motivation comes down, this would surely impact any other tasks I may have further down my tasks list.

Staying confident and motivated

It’s very simple, really. If the first task of your day is very time consuming and very important one, and you manage to do something wrong and feel really frustrated about it, you really have to do something to feel better. Otherwise, your frustration and lack of confidence after the first failure will affect the rest of your day. Things which normally would seem quite possible to you would make you question yourself, relatively easy task will take longer. Having a higher chance of failing again, you’ll start worrying much more and may end up ruining the whole day.

Why do this to yourself? Remember, it’s possible to have the same impact on your day, only in a positive sense. So what if you couldn’t make the first thing on your list happen right away? Do something simple now, something quick and easy, and you’ll immediately feel better. If you still feel vulnerable, do another one of them simple things. You need to regain your confidence and motivation, and once you got them back, easy things will seem even easier, and impossible ones will suddenly seem quite possible.

I use this trick all the time. If I have lots of small things on my list to do, I know my day will be a great one. If I fail to get something done right away, that’s a possibility. There’s nothing wrong with that, we’re all human. But I’m not taking any chances for the whole day – I’ll be sure to have something easy to complete, and having felt better, I then can go back to the previous failure and try get it done properly this time.

Every little helps – it’s really true. If there’s anything which can make you feel better, do it! If it’s something quick and easy – do it even quicker! The more positive you feel about yourself, the more successful you’re going to be overall. So even small successfully completed tasks on your list will help you to cope with bigger tasks.

It works for me, and it will work for you.

Try it, and you’ll be amazed how better you may feel. One of the beautiful things of my approach is that you absolutely DON’T have to be miserable, depressed or unsuccessful to start with. If you’re successfully going through most of your tasks – that’s great! But knowing that even small successes will literally multiply your performance and self-confidence, you may start doing few quick and easy tasks at the same time. They’ll give you a boost to tackle any task and will make sure you always have enough motivation to go through whatever challenges might come your way.

Making a difference

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How do you feel about your work? Do you like every hour spent working? Do you feel you’re doing your best? Are you motivated to do even better?Turns out, many of us don’t really like our jobs. People find no interest in their daily activities, they simply arrive in the morning to drink a cup of coffee and somehow spend the time till lunch. After lunch, it usually is much easier cause there’s only few hours left before going home. And day by day, it’s the same routine applied all over again. There’s a paycheck we get on certain days and that makes us think the justice has been served – we’ve gone through so many dull days of nothingness, and now at last we get paid for all the trouble.

Needless to say, such an approach isn’t going to get us anywhere. It is quite possible to spend your whole life working on some job for some company doing some useless tasks and never seeing anything better. We always find someone to blame for this, too. There’s usually a horrible manager who’s always asking for too much without giving credit for anything you’ve done already. Or sometimes it’s just a colleague of yours who’s so much better at what you do without any obvious reason. Sure, extra hours he works on a daily basis neither mean nor explain anything. It’s just unfair that people around you get all them brilliant opportunities for career advances or business trips, and you’re stuck forever in your swamp of doing such boring things it’s not even funny anymore.

Why do you think the above scenario is quite a possible one? It’s about your mindset.

How often do you find yourself limited by the ignorance and indifference? You feel like nothing you could do would even make a differnece. No matter how hard you work, there’s always going to be someone who’s so much better that he’s going to get bonuses and promotions, and you’ll be given his old job with no pay rise. How often do you have this feeling of changing something around you, but you stop yourself knowing for sure it’s not gonna matter to anybody?

I’m quite an optimistic guy myself, but even I can recall a few cases of such a depression. You can’t even call it a depression – sometimes the periods of you feeling miserable and nonsignificant go on for so long that you stop seeing them as depressions, but instead accept the state of the things and try to live with it. Luckily, it’s been a good few years since I’ve learned how to get rid of such depressions.

The key is about making difference. We often think that our actions will go unnoticed, or that credit for them will go to someone else, or that the bonus we’d really love to get would always end up in someone else’s pocket. This discourages us a lot, it brings our productivity down and it kills all the possible motivation we might have.

What you have to do is stop few things from happening. First and most important – if you feel like doing something good, never concentrate on the material outcome of such things. Trust me, your well being is not only about being wealthy. It’s about you being happy and content with yourself. It’s about feeling fullfilled and needed. It’s about being important enough for yourself.

So whenever it’s time for you to give yourself a possibly standard rejection of “Why do I care? It’s not gonna change anything at all”, instead concentrate on your pride and self-esteem which will be greatly pleased after you successfully accomplish your goal. Do every little thing for yourself. Imagine how much happier you’ll be if you know that every little step you take does matter! It will make a difference, and quite often it will be all the difference in the world.

At work, don’t think of the promotion you’re going to get right after you get this next project completed. Don’t! Because what happens is that while working on the project, you keep reiterating some of your thoughts. Inescapably you’ll start thinking of the promotion more and more, and soon enough you’ll naturally feel that the promotion is something you’re definitely going to get once you complete the task. It’s just an example here, but I’d like to use it for explaining why it’s wrong to expect too much.

You’re working on your project constantly reminding yourself that it’s soon to be completed, and that there’s a promotion to be received upon its completion. No matter how good you are, it’s quite possible you’re not going to be promoted though. So what you’ll feel is anger and disappointment, you’ll feel unfairly treated as if someone took what was already yours. And it will really hurt you bad, simply because thinking of the promotion over and over you got your mind accustomed to this idea so much that it does feel as something you already have. And then you complete the project, and you find our it’s time for you to start another one, and no promotion is there to talk about. Naturally you’ll be frustrated.

So what I suggest you do instead is motivate every task of yours, no matter how big or complex, with personal feelings of yours. Think of how much of a relief it will be to get something off your to-do list! Think of how proud you’ll be that you’ve completed something which took so many resources and time of yours! Try and vividly imagine the smile on your face once you finish some task. Treat everything as way to develop personally and to become happier with yourself.

If you fail to deliver the project on time – it still must have been a good learning experience. Try your best to finish it off as soon as possible, set yourself another deadline and think of how proud you’ll be when you meet it. Think of how much better you’ll become in project management or in a particular taks you’ve been given after you successfully accomplish it.

The important thing is that there are no failures. There are easy and hard ways of self-growth. No matter what you do and how and when you accomplish it, it’s still a personal growth. And that’s what you have to focus on. Later, possibly few months or even years later, you’ll feel very happy with yourself looking back.

One more thing: concentrating on personal growth also ensures you always get something out of any task. You’ll never feel disappointed again, because you’re always going to be a personal winner of yourself. And believe me, being a winner is just the kind of motivation you’ll like!

It takes time to change your point of view and start working on anything in the way I’ve just told you about, but it’s well worth it. Once you concentrate on personal success, even negative sides of the tasks you’re given start having far less negative impact on your thinking and your actions – they will not seem to be as bad anymore. What this means is that you won’t be as stressed about them, and this will boost your productivity yet again.

After this, it’s only a matter of time before you become successful in anything you do. Just stick to the rules I’ve outlined, and see what happens!

The last argument I’d like to bring up today is about making the difference. Don’t ask yourself if you’re going to make any difference. Don’t hesitate for even a second that your actions may go unnoticed. DO THEM! Do them the best you can, and remember they’ll make huge difference to yourself. That’s the most important thing! Once you concentrate on this, try and forget all the worries about all the rest. People DO notice what you’re doing, and sooner or later you’ll find that it’s not someone else, but you are in the spotlight! Give it some time and practice, and no bonus or promotion will escape you.

When looking at some complex tasks I always think: Boy, that’s a hell of a work to do. Is this going to be hard? Absolutely. Is this going to be rewarding? Positively! The harder the task, the more personal growth it will trigger for me. If somebody else could make the difference in this situation, why should I think I can’t?

So no matter how dull your work may seem on rare days, always stick to the plan. Making a difference. It’s all about it. Making a difference to yourself. Don’t listen to what people say, even when they’re trying really hard to discourage you. As long as the task matters to you, it’s worth a shot and it stands a pretty good chance of success. So even if it seems that you’re doing something really small and nonimportant, keep on working – and you’ll be amazed how quickly you’ll become a success.

Positive Questions

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One of the most important things about your personal development is gaining confidence. Simply put, any success in your life is about a confidence of some kind.
 
 
It's all about confidence
 
In the simplest scenario, when you have a certain task to complete and that's all what's required of you, it comes down to the fact that without some confidence you won't be able to do anything. You have to be sure of your solution before you go and apply it to your task. Yes, it requires a certain level of knowledge, but you really need to have confidence to back it up.
 
Take any kind of exam as an example. Doesn't matter, which one it is, it could be an exam you sat back during your school years, or it could be one of your horrible memories of being a student at some university, or finally it could be an exam you had to sit just the other week to improve your career prospects.
 
The bottom line is that all exams are the same. They're here to make sure you've got the knowledge you claim to have. And if you were actually attenting the necessary courses during your study, you're more than likely to have all the knowledge you need.
 
Still, most of us find it very uneasy to sit an exam, no matter how well prepared we are. And almost always there's a lucky few students in your class which seemed to glide through all the exam challenges with no noticeable worries at all.
 
Why do you think such people exist at all? Do you really believe it's sheer luck they have? Of course it's not it! It's all about confidence! Without being confident, even most knowledgeable students will easily fail even the simplest exam.
 
Now, why exactly do we feel uncomfortable with exams? This is because they are perfect examples of some authority questioning our expertise in a certain area. And no matter how good we are, there's always a few questions full of doubt we always ask ourselves sitting any exam.
 
 
Doubtful and negative questions 
 
Examples of such doubtful questions would be:
  • Am I really good enough to pass?
  • So many people failed this test. Can I really do it?
  • I obviously haven't done enough preparations. What do I do now?
  • What will my friends say if I fail?
  • What do I do if I don't get a promotion because of this failed test?
And there's also a whole bunch of questions you would ask about a specific problem you're looking at on your test sheet.
 
They would be something of this kind:
  • Why can't I solve this problem?
  • Stupid me! How come I can't find the right solution to this? Any solution, for that matter?
  • Another question I have no answer for. Don't I know anything on this subject? 
Depending on your personality, you could be asking slightly different questions, but most of them would be of the kind I've shown – you're being negative to yourself, and sometimes you can also be very harsh with your self-inflicted criticism.
 
 
Be positive and constructive
 
Without your criticism being anything constructive, you can't help yourself solve any problems and answer any questions. Being negative about your (quite possible) lack of knowledge of the exam subject isn't helping either. So usually you just get more and more nervous about your exam, until you run out of time and go home being absolutely sure you have failed.
 
Had anything like this ever happened to you? Well here's why.
 
It is true that you have to ask questions to yourself when you're building logical chains trying to solve a given problem. But what most of us naturally neglect is the fact that even questions could have negative impact on our performance. It's as if by even asking a question, you're automatically reassuring yourself that you really don't know the answer. So you keep asking questions to make some progress on your solution, but because most or all of the questions are asked negatively, they're subconsciously taking you further and further away from a possible correct solution.
 
This is my message for you today: be positive when you approach any task, and make sure even questions you ask yourself are positive.
 
 
Asking positive questions 
 
Using the examples I've given earlier, here are just a few examples of positive questions. If you analyze each one of them, you'll see that most of the questions leave no room for your lack of knowledge. All the questions assume that you know the right answer, and only point you slowly to this correct answer.
 
So, general questions asked positively:
  • Is this exam really as hard to pass as they say? I'm sure I can easily pass.
  • So many people failed this test. How could they, it can't be so hard to pass?
  • Where do I start? Quickly scanning through all the questions to spot the obviously easy ones sounds like a plan.
  • What will my friends say when I pass? What will I say to support the ones who failed?
  • It's just a quick exam. Honestly, is there an easier way to earn a promotion?
And, similarly, some positive questions about specific task you're looking at:
  • How can I solve this problem the easiest way?
  • No solution comes to mind. Is there something wrong with the question? A typo, maybe?
  • What do I know about this question? Even if there's no solution yet, every little helps.
So, positive questioning is here to help you boost your confidence level, and do it the quick, easy and natural way. Asking positive questions means assuming you're good enough to find the answer, and this way of asking yourself is a sure way to approach the right solution.
 
Of course, positive questions alone can't save you if you don't know anything about the subject, but they will make sure you never lose any of your confidence because of negative questions.
 
Asking yourself positive questions and generally taking a positive approach to any task will take most of possible pressure and nervousness off your shoulders, leaving your mind clear and sharp, ready to solve even the hardest problems.
 
Update: Incredible! Just one day later after I posted this article, I see Steve Pavlina has written a very good article on weak vs strong questions. Please read it here: Asking the Right Questions
[tags]positive thinking, positive questions, confidence, self-growth[/tags]

Best Advice Possible

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How often do you seek someone else’s advice? Do you like all the advices you get, and do you follow them blindly, or do you reject some of them as bad or even ridiculous ones? Do you ever notice that some people give you bad advices, while some others give you generally good ones, and only rare few people will always give you best advices?

Do you want to know why? As surprising as it may sound, in most cases the explanation is hidden within ourselves.

Let me explain. Why do we ask others to share their opinion with us, and why do we seek for advices? This usually happens when we’ve reached a certain stage with our task, and we stop and think it would be better now to know what others think of it, and maybe take some of their ideas and apply them, instead of trying to continue on our own.

 

Seeking advice isn’t anything negative.

It doesn’t mean we’re weak or stupid, incapable of solving a problem or accomplishing a given goal. What it means is a willingness to do what we have to do in the most optimal way. Seeking advice means being open-minded.

It means welcoming other’s opinions and being ready to listen and understand what other people have to say. Seeking advice essentially shows your willingness to broaden horizons of your thinking, and demonstrates your ability to factor in some things you haven’t thought of when you just started working on the problem.

Is it possible to accomplish some goals without asking for any advices at all? Of course it is! But it really is a matter of your self-confidence. If you’re very comfortable with the task and you have a clear vision of accomplishing it, you may not need or want any advice. After all, you could (and should!) be the one person doing something best of all, and then not only will you be able to achieve great results without any advices, but instead you’ll be able to help others out by sharing your wisdom and giving advices to them.

 

Why ask for advice at all?

In lots of situations, when we ask for advice, we really expect a substantial help. We quite often will get irritated when a person starts giving us general pieces of wisdom in return to a very specific question. Most often, we ask for a specific advice, and get easily irritated when we’re getting a different kind of advice. It could be a priceless one, but if it doesn’t help our immediate task, we don’t want it.

Another thing about seeking advices is that even when we get something useful, we keep searching for the best advice possible. The stage when we start asking people for advices suggests that we’ve probably got our problem practically solved, but we wouldn’t mind an opinion on making our solution a perfect one. If there are few final touches to be made and for some reason we haven’t seen them ourselves, we’d like others to point these areas out and explain how to improve the situation.

 

Why some advices are bad

Look back at some of the advices you’ve asked for and you suddenly felt irritated with. Why did you find those advices bad? They probably were genuine, so people must be trying to help. Yet, the help you’ve received wasn’t what you were looking for.

This explains perfectly what a bad advice is. It’s a piece of information you haven’t found particularly useful in the context of your problem and your question.

So why some advices are bad? Is it something wrong with the people you ask? Possible, but not as nearly often the case as you might think. What is it then? It’s simply the wrong context. What you’re asking for isn’t what a given person is talking about. So you get an advice, but it doesn’t help you much.

The responsibility for bad advices quite often lies on yourself and not on the people you seek advices from.

 

Find the right person to ask for an advice

As simple as it may seem, this is the rule which might help you get much better advices from people around you. Before asking your questions, think what kind of help you’re looking for, and try seeing whether a particular person is the best one to ask for a help. This explains most of your frustrations when you ask for advice and get unexpectedly frustrating one in return. This is simply because you’ve incorrectly chosen a person to talk to. Try and find a better one, ideally the best person to ask your question.

I’m not saying all the bad advices you’ve got were bad simply because you’ve chosen wrong people. There could be lots of other factors involved: someone could be misleding you, or someone could be mistaken himself and then give you a wrong advice absolutely unintentionally. There are other factors too, it’s impossible to name all of them.

But since we’re talking about self-improvements, finding a better person to seek advice from is one of the factors you can easily improve on.

 

So what person would be the best one to seek advice from?

It is the person in a better (best) position, similar to yours. So, if you’re trying to solve a particular problem, seek for someone who is known for successfully solving a similar problem in the past. If you’re starting up a business, seek for an advice from a successfull business owner.

The key point here is that you should always seek for an advice from someone in a substantionally better position, if not in the best one. This is important, because if you talk to someone who’s in a position worse than yours, even the sincere advice may turn out to be a very bad one for you.

See for yourself: why ask for an advice on a particular problem from a person who had never dealt with a similar problem? Any polite person would genuinely try helping you, but if they got no relevant experience, this would be very hard, and they would end up giving you either something very generic, or suggesting something you would reckon to be the worst advice possible. There’s no reason to be angry with such people, they did their best and it really isn’t their fault they couldn’t help you more.

 

How exactly do you get the best advice possible?

Contentrate on your particular problem or task, and try your best at finding the best person to talk to. Even a short and simple advice from the right person would be of much more help to you than a very long and complex solution suggested by someone who isn’t really in a position to give any advices to you.

[tags]best advice, self-growth, asking questions[/tags]

Motivation to blog

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I couldn’t say it better than Steve Pavlina if I tried to explain how blogging might help with personal growth. Although I’m probably past the point when I needed some extra courage to go out and start my own blog, I definitely agree that motivation and self-assessment are among the key benefits you’re going to get from your personal blog.

So if you’re still having doubts about starting your own blog, just take 5 minutes and read the whole article here: Blogging For Personal Growth

[tags]personal,weblog,self-growth,self-assesment,motivation[/tags]

Quick Recovery

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No matter what industry you’re in, quick recovery after a failure is always a beneficial quality to have. It could be a major blow of your destiny or a minor act of healthy competition, but if you can’t take it – this will give your opponent an advantage, and this means you’ve got something to improve.

Recovering after some kind of failure is a very hard skill to obtain, but as with any kind of skill, it is quite real and possible to develop. So all I want to do today is to share only a few of the important things to keep in mind when working on your recovery skills.

 

No surprises – no shock

The worst thing about any failure is when it happens unexpectedly. It immediately upsets you that some things didn’t go as planned, and that you couldn’t do something you honestly believed you were quite capable of.

It’s all about an element of surprise, really. If you knew the failure was about to happen, you’d have taken some additional steps to prevent it from happening. So when it comes to improving your quick recovery skills, first of all it should be an improvement of your own awareness of what’s happening.

If you’re taking a part in a game, or if it’s some situation at work requiring a bit of competitiveness from you, or if it’s just another ordinary evening walk you’re having – try to be aware of things around you. Don’t expect anything bad to happen, don’t predict the failure to happen, but at the same time never exclude such outcomes in any situation. Anything could happen, and you can’t obviously be alert 100% of your time and be prepared for any kind of disaster to happen, but every little helps – sometimes doing very little you really protect yourself from surprising shocks.

 

Know your weakness

It might sound simple, but it is the most usual reason of lacking the quick recovery abilities. After all, it is a natural thing that most people hate revisiting their weaknesses. But what’s always a surprise to me, is that many people don’t know some of their weaknesses, and in some cases they don’t know any weaknesses of theirs at all.

It is surprising for me because I rarely do something without some kind of estimation. Lots of things are constantly factored in – sometimes I consider the benefit of doing or not doing something, or it could be that I want to know how time consuming a particular task will be. In many cases it could be your physical abilities. And while some of such factors are fairly obvious and easy to estimate, others are not.

For instance, you wouldn’t try to open a door of your car while driving on a highway and jump out, and you wouldn’t do it not because of some physical limitations – you’re probably strong enough to open a door and make a jump, but because of other things you automatically consider – like what usually happens when you’re out of your car at such a high speed. The same way you consider lots of things when making decisions every minute of your life. But for some reason, this thoughtful approach isn’t always there when you’re competing with someone.

So to recover really quick, you should know your limitations, and at least admit that if you lose because one of them, there wasn’t much you could do. If you accept this thought, and concentrate on your strong areas to achieve the goal, it wouldn’t be as much a shock to you if you make a mistake or lose because of one of your weak areas.

All this would mean is that you’ve just had a very natural thing happen to you – you knew it was your weak area, you tried your best, but there was a point after which you couldn’t do any better. And it’s nothing shameful or nothing shocking – it’s a natural way of things. Remember, that your competitor might have enough skills to recognize your weaknesses and to exploit them – and this fact would again be a valid and possible outcome of the situation, and not a shock.

Another positive side of knowing your weaknesses is that you can then plan and decide on what tactics you should employ to cover your weak areas, to become more competitive. Learn to turn your weaknesses from disadvantages into something neutral and quite normal, something you wouldn’t worry as much.

 

Learn your strong points

If you’re good, you’re good. Know your strong points and make it a habit improving them. Learn to take advantage of your strong points. Learn to use your strong areas to make up for the weak ones.

Strong points are fairly easy to identify. It’s what you like doing most, and where you feel most competitive. The explanation is really simple – if you like doing something, you tend to do it more often than other things. And as practice makes perfect, it excels your skills firstly among the things you do most often.

It is also a good idea to listen what others have to say about your strong areas. You can always ask them about your weak areas too, but somehow people don’t like others telling them about it. We tend to feel more vulnerable when we realise that people around us see our weaknesses so well. But for the strong areas, we’re always happy to hear another opinion. We like people reassuring us how good and strong we are in a particular subject, and it pleases us to know that it’s not only yourself, but others who recognize you strong in some areas.

 

Observe and adapt

It’s rarely a case when you are the only person who could fail. Never forget the simple truth: everyone and anyone can fail at some stage. Not everyone is afraid of it as much as you are, but as we’ve established, this could be helped. So do your observations – look at how people react to their successes and failures, and try to behave in a similar way.

There are few advantages to such a way of adapting. First and foremost – you see other people fail and you realise it yet again that failure is just a part of the game, and a very possible thing to happen to anyone. How many times have you looked at someone really good at their subject, thinking to yourself: anyone could fail, anyone but him. But secretly you hoped something would make this person fail someday, and of course you laughed sarcastically and it somehow pleased you when you finally saw the moment of such a failure.

Accept it – everyone fails, and not always it’s due to the personal qualities and features. Quite often there is absolutely nothing you could do. There is nothing anybody could do. So all you do in such situations is to accept this and think one step forward – what needs to be done next to make up for the opportunity you’ve just lost.

Observation also helps you recognize a typical reaction of people to their failures, and when you learn the basics of it, you could react in exactly the same way when and if you fail. Observation and adaptation of a common reaction will absorb the shock of a failure, because not only will you know that there’s nothing wrong with a failure, but you will also know that your behaviour is absolutely normal, because that’s exactly the way so many others reacted to a similar failure.

You could also use adaptation as an advantage. Just do what everybody else did when failing, and you’ll make sure that no one can really guess how hard a blow this failure really is for you. Use is to protect yourself. Act the most common way and you’ll make it as hard as possible for anyone to see your fear or your frustration about the situation.

Always remember, that no matter what happens – there will be people around you doing the same observation and adaptation. So even if hiding your real feelings or natural reaction of yours for a given failure could be of huge importance and advantage.

 

Never stop

This is the last piece of advice I have for today. Never stop – this means if you do stumble and fail, make yourself take the next step. Don’t allow yourself to stop, overcome all your fears and frustration, pain or hesitations, and push yourself forward. Just remember, that failure is never a good moment to analyze the situation. When you fail, you naturally feel upset, and your judgement is bound to be clouded by this. And since it is in your interest to at least make sure the situation doesn’t get worse, please do take this extra step forward and only then, when there’s less pressure and less frustration left, take your time to think why you have failed and what could be done to prevent it.

This is in essence what people call a quick recovery – when even after the most horrible mistake made you find strength to move forward no matter what, to stay in the game and to remain competitive. And this is exactly what makes them take a closer look at you to either admire the strength you’ve found for a recovery or to suddenly realise how much better a player you really are.

So never stop, and don’t you worry – there’s always plenty of time to analyse what went wrong and to find ways of improvement later. Now, don’t take this last advice of mine directly. If you made an honest mistake, take it easy and move on. But don’t do anything stupid just because you think you have to do something.

There should always be a common sense involved in all your actions, so by asking you not to stop I really mean if you failed but think you can push yourself just a bit extra harder to hide your frustration and move on – please do so as it’s in your interest. But if there isn’t much to be done right away – accept it. Don’t rush things in, don’t immediately try to repeat the same set of actions as they’re most likely to incur the same kind of mistake yet again.

 

Well, hope this helps. I really should be giving more examples from my everyday life, so I think that’s what I’ll start doing with my next entry in a few days time. Till then, good bye!